NFDA
NFDA(Brookfield) has relaunched a program where staffers spend a day with members at their funeral home to get a sense of what a typical day might entail. The shadowing program will also help NFDA staff in meeting member needs.
Javier Roque and Martha Fuhr, NFDA member relations representatives, recently spoke about their experiences. Roque, along with Marissa Keller, NFDA education program manager, visited Reeves & Baskerville Funeral Home in Illinois, with locations in Morris, Coal City, Gardner and Wilmington, while Fuhr visited Oliverie Funeral Homes in Manchester and Jackson, New Jersey. Here, they share their experiences.
What were your initial thoughts about the program?
Roque: I was eager to experience the art of funeral directing firsthand.
Fuhr:To be honest, my first impression of shadowing a funeral home was “Why?” How much is there to learn about the job of a funeral director? I know they’re busy and their job does not include any kind of a schedule… at least not until they pick up a decedent. Once they have the decedent in the prep room, then all the webinars we create come into play, and since I watch them, I know what a day in the life of a funeral director is like.
Were you apprehensive about going?
Roque:Not at all. Quite the contrary – I was counting down the days.
Fuhr:I was a bit apprehensive because, while I fully respect the work funeral directors/embalmers do, I wasn’t sure how it would be seeing people I don’t know in caskets while grieving families viewed them. Would I be expected to interact with these families? I had said at the start that I would not feel comfortable being in the prep room as that seemed too sacred for me to just be an observer.
Describe your day at the funeral home? What did you do?
Roque:I was able to shadow an embalming, one of many highlights. We also sat through a mock arrangement conference and witnessed a cremation from start to finish. I was shadowing a young funeral director named Alex. He must have been in his early 30s and was very knowledgeable about the where, what, when, why and how. I was encouraged to ask questions, and that made me feel comfortable
Fuhr:We started in a new funeral home with state-of-the-art photo video displays. It has a full commercial kitchen and seating for 100. A café serves beverages. My first viewing was in a room with a beautiful marble floor, a fountain in the center and a skylight. Once everyone left for the cemetery, the funeral directors closed the casket and the body was placed in the hearse. The director, also a celebrant, did a short graveside service.
At the main location, I helped set up flowers and vacuumed the chapel, then listened to the arrangement conference for the next funeral. I was amazed at how quickly the time went as the evening viewing started. The next morning, I learned they’d transported a body to the medical examiner and had also transported a body to the funeral home to be embalmed for a viewing.
Was the day anything like you thought it would be?
Roque: We got to see a little bit of everything. The only thing we missed out on was a removal; however, we heard some memorable stories from Matt [Baskerville] and Alex.
Fuhr: The day went basically as I expected, except for the amount time that was spent on the personalization for each family’s loved one – that was more amazing than surprising as I could see the caring spirit they had.
Any aspects of the day that surprised you?
Roque:Even though Matt Baskerville is a small-town funeral director, it felt as though we were rolling with a local celebrity. He would get stopped by somebody he had served, which was very cool to see.
Did you ask the funeral director or staff any questions?
Roque:Absolutely! Matt and his staff were open books for any questions I had. I remember asking Matt specifically how he handled the mental stress that comes with the job. He told me his therapy is that he gets away at least once a month to Florida.
Fuhr:I asked the director I was with what they do when a family doesn’t like the way their loved one looks in the casket. She answered that they will have the family leave the room, make some adjustments based on the family’s thoughts and then hope they are happier. Sometimes, she added, it just takes them time to get used to how they look when they are dead.
A friend comes up to you the day after you were at the funeral home and asks you, “What did you do yesterday?” What do you say?
Roque:I got a sampling of small-town America through the eyes of a funeral director. I highly recommend it.
Fuhr:I would tell them I spent the day at a funeral home watching funeral directors go out of their way to care for grieving families and show them that memories can be a balm for the soul during this time.
Did this experience change your views of funeral service in general, or funeral directors specifically?
Roque:I wouldn’t say it changed my views necessarily, it just drove home what a vocation this line of work is. The entire staff emphasized the importance of paying attention to detail, and it showed. Everything we attended – from the embalming to the graveside service and the interment with military honors – went off without a hitch.
Fuhr: I have always had immense respect for funeral directors and all they do for families not related to them in any way. They give so much to others that it’s a wonder much is left for their own families.
What do you think is the hardest part about being a funeral director?
Roque: Emotional fatigue, which I can only imagine is amplified for small-town funeral directors who seemingly know all the families they serve.
Fuhr:I think the hardest part of the work is embalming a body to meet the expectations of the family. There was a family member who wasn’t happy with the way her mother looked. The decedent had died during an operation and had blood vessel breaks all over her face; to make her presentable they had to use more makeup than the daughter wanted. As the funeral director said to me, “People don’t realize how a dead person looks.”
What were your thoughts following the shadowing program?
Roque: I would do it again. Highly recommend it!
Fuhr:I am so thankful I was given the opportunity to spend time at this funeral home! Though I have always known funeral directors are very busy, kind and caring people, I was able to see it in action and see the unique ways this firm reached out to care for families.